Obama and Romney: Imagine that lunch
November 29, 2012By Dick Polman
President Obama and Mitt Romney are lunching today at the White House. Imagine the possibilities.
"Governor...uh...welcome. Hope you're...uh...hungry. Those bags look...uh...heavy. What ya got there?"
"A gift for you, sir. I would've brought gifts for all your voters, but you've lavished gifts on them already, heh heh. Heh. I'm joking, of course. Here, open it up. Just a little thank you for having me over."
"That's very...uh...thoughtful. A box of DVDs. Looks like...uh...the label says...uh...the complete series of Leave it to Beaver. What's that, a TV show?"
"Gosh, yes, it's a wonderful show. A wholesome family has hijinks in the America that I was taking back for the American people. Speaking of which, can I go see my office now?"
"My new office. It's shaped like an oval, and the walls have the right height."
"May I remind you, governor, that you...uh...uh...lost. And I...uh...uh...won."
"Just want to be sure about that, heh heh, because the Rasmussen polls, and Fox News, and that fella Dick Morris, and my own swell campaign team all told me the office was mine. I brought a tape measure with me, I was planning to measure the drapes - "
"Perhaps a fine meal would settle you down. I suggest that we...uh...uh...eat."
"And I brought swell vittles with me, sir. Let me open my other bag. You can call it, 'President Romney's takeout service,' heh heh. So what do you think? Tasty, huh?"
"Look, I like those foods as much as anyone. White bread, mayonnaise, and baloney are great American foods. But let me call the kitchen, see what they have for us - "
"C'mon, this is Wonder Bread, the swellest of all. A vanishing American institution, as you know. But I got us a loaf because I have friends at the top who - "
"Wow, look at the...uh...uh...clock. Is it that time already? Gotta hit the road soon, gonna be stumpin' for higher taxes on millionaires and billionaires - "
"Mmmm, this bread is so delicious. You sure you don't want some? Hey, maybe we should talk business. This tax you're proposing, I fear that America's job creators would not take kindly - "
"I'm thinking of shooting some hoops before I go. Forget the lunch. Wanna go one on one with me?"
"Mmmm, this mayo is very tasty, but I wish I'd brought the Hellmans. But about that high tax of yours. I fear that Chrysler would send even more jobs from Toledo to China - "
"The weather. Let's talk about that, governor. I bet it's nice this time of year in...uh...uh...La Jolla."
"Oh yes, very much so. And my car elevator is coming along quite nicely, too. And I want you to know that many fellas of color are building it. They're swell fellas. I told my contractor, 'C'mon, surely you can find me some,' and he brought me binders full of brown people, and I chose the ones who are makers, not takers - "
"Well, governor, I wouldn't want to keep you from your next...uh...uh...appointment."
"Oh, it's no problem. I'm expecting to see some friends later, of course, as soon as they return my calls. They all seem so busy. Hey, is the U.S. Chamber of Commerce near here?"
"A block away, on H Street. I hear they have a great...uh...uh...uh...lobby."
"Yes, maybe I could go sit there for a spell. Digest my lunch."
"Look, thank you for the...uh...uh...DVDs. If I'd known you were bringing them, I would've given you Modern Family."
"21st century America."
"Betcha that crowd can't hold a candle to The Beaver. But OK, you can bring me that next time we lunch. C'mon, let's shake on it."
"My aides will show you to the very nearest exit."
"Wow, that's a powerful handshake, sir. I was kinda expecting a terrorist fist bump, heh heh. Say, I don't really need to get to the Chamber just yet. How're your girls? How're my boys? Did your voters like your gifts? Gosh, I could really use a drink, to wash down this sandwich. Could you get the help to bring me some milk?"
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